It’s not that I don’t like people; it’s just that, well, sometimes I would rather not be around them. I didn’t always feel this way, but after moving to New York, I realized, over time, that people can really get on my nerves. Blame noisy neighbors, rush-hour commuters pushing me onto and off of crowded subway cars, gaggles of tourists, the woman in 5A who uses up all five laundry machines in our building’s basement, and pedestrians who have lost the ability to navigate a sidewalk because they’re wearing headphones, staring at their phones, and off in their own world (look up, dammit!).
I’m sure you’ve also had days when it just feels better to be alone — or a friend who just really needs space to themselves. For those times, there are plenty of products that let you (or them) embrace that side. From an oven mitt to an expletive-embroidered cross-stitch, these fun finds are perfect for those times when you just can’t deal — and they may even make you smile.
1. Fishs Eddy Good Morning Mug
Not a morning person? Same. Your coworkers will keep conversation to a minimum when they see you sipping from this charming showstopper.
Buy: Fishs Eddy Good Morning Mug, $15
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2. I Hate Everyone Too Oven Mitt
Even non-misanthropes will get a kick out of this whimsical, retro-style oven mitt that sweetly depict a little girl, her horse, and their hatred of humanity.
Buy: I Hate Everyone Too Oven Mitt, $13
3. Hit Reply All One More Time I Swear to God Gum
We’ve all worked with someone who clutters up our inbox by replying all to every single email. Chew them out gently by leaving this pack of gum on their desk. Adding that Post-It note that their breath is terrible is a bit mean, but hey, you do you.
Buy: Hit Reply All One More Time I Swear to God Gum, $6
4. I Like Coffee and Maybe 3 People Travel Mug
For those who consider coffee their only friend, this travel mug‘s for you. Besides keeping your home brew hot, it also keeps you out of coffee shops, where you might have to interact with people.
Buy: I Like Coffee and Maybe 3 People Travel Mug, $29 at Society 6
5. Go Away! Scram! Leave! Humorous Door Mat
Pizza delivery person, this un-welcome mat does not apply to you. Personally, I’m planning to leave this doormat outside of my neighbor’s apartment the next time she throws a loud party.
Buy: Go Away! Scram! Leave! Humorous Doormat, $29 at Overstock
6. Go Away Dish Towel
There’s nothing worse than guests dropping by unexpectedly. Serve them with a smile and this dish towel to graciously let them know you want them gone as soon as they finish that glass of wine.
Buy: Go Away Dish Towel, $11
7. Home Is Where Them F*ckers Ain’t Cross-Stitch
When I die, I want an open casket, and I’ll be clutching this in my hands. At $70, this endearing cross-stitch is a bit of an investment, but think of how fun it will be to tell visitors that it’s an heirloom that your great-great grandmother made.
Buy: Home Is Where Them F*ckers Ain’t Finished Cross-Stitch Framed in 9-Inch Hoop, $70 at Etsy
8. Stop Talking Cards
True story: My friend has these cards and she hands them out to strangers who get too talky during concerts. But why limit yourself? Try slipping one to the boss in that “is this really necessary?” two-hour meeting or to your pastor when the Sunday sermon’s going on a little too long.
Buy: Stop Talking Cards, $10 at Paper Source
9. Leaf Me Alone Pillow
This surprisingly stylish pillow is a real find, because it serves double duty: It’s a fun way of expressing your inner introvert, and it also comes in handy for stifling your screams when everyone has worked your last good nerve.
Buy: Leaf Me Alone Throw Pillow, $21 at Redbubble
10. Remaining F*cks Canvas Pouch
Sooner or later, we all run out of ’em. And when you do, you can use the empty pouch for holding everything from makeup tools to toiletries to school supplies. OK, maybe not school supplies …
Buy: Remaining F*cks Canvas Pouch, $16 from Emily McDowell & Friends
This post originally ran on Apartment Therapy. See it here: 10 Perfect Gifts for Anyone Who Gets Annoyed by Other People
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